I will die if light touches me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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