thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
