She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
