I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
