If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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