Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
