and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize