He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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