I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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