when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
