I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
