those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
