you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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