I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
