Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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