i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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