I just pynch a tree in the face
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
