I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She said her name was "party"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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