I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
