I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
