My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
