I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
