K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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