I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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