Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
