so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
