some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Everything about him screamed your future.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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