I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
