I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
