If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
