I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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