so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
