he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
did you just send me my own nude
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
