a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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