Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When are your genitals available?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
