At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
