If i come over, it means nothing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
