My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
