i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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