i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
