if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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