Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
