:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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