i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
