the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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