I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
