I could have mohawked her pubes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
