You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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