another moral hangover. fuck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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