woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to align my fucking chakras
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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