clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
