sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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